


More Than Just Surviving

by Ali_T_363



Category: The 100 (TV), clexa - Fandom
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-02
Updated: 2016-11-14
Packaged: 2018-06-06 00:31:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 18,917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6729982
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ali_T_363/pseuds/Ali_T_363
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Lexa Woods moves into her fifth dorm in three years, she hopes she'll hit it off with her new roommate. Things are a little awkward at first, but it isn't long until Clarke shows Lexa that there is more to University than just surviving.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Clexa University au

“I told you there was no rush,” Anya whined as she dropped Lexa’s heavy suitcase on the floor, “you’re roommate isn’t even here yet.”

  
“I know, but that’s not the point. I didn’t want to be stuck carrying everything in with all the first years clogging up the hallways,” Lexa panted, dropping her bag on the bed, “besides, now I get to choose which bed I get.” Lexa turned around triumphantly, plopping on the bed in exhaustion.

  
“I just don’t understand how the elevator is still broken, it was broken my first year!” Anya shook her head and dropped down next to Lexa. The pair took in the room with its empty grey walls and two twin beds pushed up against opposite walls. There were two desks set up on the same wall as Lexa’s bed and that was it.

  
“I sure hope your roommate brought more shit than you did.” Anya remarked.

  
“What’s wrong with what I brought?” Lexa asked defensively.

  
“Nothing, it’s just this room looks kind of homeless.”

  
“That doesn’t even make any sense. By definition a room is in a home and therefore, cannot be homeless.”

  
Anya smirked and pushed Lexa’s shoulder lovingly, “Your roommate’s gonna have a lot of fun with you!”

  
Lexa stuck out her tongue at her friend before standing up, “Well, I wanna get to the bookstore and pick some stuff up before it gets too busy, I’ll text you later?”

  
“Okay,” Anya said, standing up and giving Lexa a hug, “have fun, and be nice to your roommate.”

  
Lexa took a step back, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  
Anya rolled her eyes, “This is literally the fourth time I have moved your sorry ass across campus. You almost have your degree, can you please just get along with this poor soul so I don’t have to do this a fifth time?”

  
Lexa’s sighed, “You have to admit that the last four girls were insufferable.”

  
“I didn’t say they weren’t, I just said I don’t want to move you again.” Anya said, laughing at Lexa’s disdain for any human that got in her way.

  
The two hugged once more before Anya left. Lexa opened her bag and started organizing her books onto her desk. She took out her favourite blanket and placed it on the bed, and finally the picture of her and Anya. Anya and Lexa had been in the same foster home for a while and had instantly bonded. Little Lexa would follow Anya around from room to room, and when things got bad, Anya would hold Lexa through the night and tried to shield her from the fighting. They had been separated a few times, but always managed to find each other again. When Anya had aged out, she had enrolled in University, mostly for the food and a place to stay, so Lexa naturally followed her when she aged out two years later. Anya had dropped out and was a bouncer at a local club, and had offered Lexa a place to stay, but Lexa wanted a true college experience. She hated to admit it, but she loved school. She loved learning and most of her courses allowed her to be physical. The only thing she didn’t love was the people. They were loud and only came to university to party. Lexa had to worked her ass off in high school to get the best marks possible, because she knew the only hope she had at making it was by getting a full ride, and she got it. But these kids, most didn’t know the definition of hard work, and that pissed Lexa off.  
It hadn’t taken long for Lexa to put away all of her belongings. She smiled at her little space before grabbing her headphones and heading off towards the bookstore.

 

“Why is the fucking elevator broken?” Octavia gasped as she heaved Clarke’s bag up the last flight of stares.

  
“It’s been broken for like, ever.” Raven smirked, she had gotten away with carrying Clarke’s bedding since her knee couldn’t take the stairs and heavy lifting.

  
“Can’t your people get on it?” Octavia spat, dropping Clarke’s bag unceremoniously on the floor.

  
“Bitch better mean engineers” Raven shot, and then laughed at Octavia’s worried look.

  
“Fuck you” Octavia laughed, pushing Raven.

  
Clarke made it up to her room last, having said goodbye to her mom in the parking lot downstairs, “Why the fuck is the elevator broken?” She asked, dropping the last bag and collapsing on her bed.

  
“And the conversation has come full circle” Raven said, laughing, “how was your mom?”

  
“Meh,” Clarke shrugged, “fine, I mean, it’s gotten easier to say goodbye every year.” Her friends nodded before looking around the small space.

  
“Looks like your roommate’s already been here,” Octavia noted, looking at the set up desk.

  
Raven wandered over to Lexa’s side of the room and picked up the picture, “I wonder which one she is?”

  
Octavia rushed over, “Definitely the brunette.”

  
Raven set the photo down before staring blankly at Octavia, “They’re both brunettes.”

  
Octavia rolled her eyes, “The one with the green eyes then.”

  
Clarke laughed at her friends, “Guys, stop going through her stuff and help me unpack.”

  
The trio started folding clothes and placing them in the drawers under the bed. Once those were dealt with, Clarke set up her desk with a couple of thick books and a small lamp.

  
“Clarke, where do you want to mini-fridge?” Octavia asked.

  
“Just under my desk, thanks.”

  
In a few more minutes, Clarke’s side of the room was transformed. Her bed and desk had become completely personalized and the walls displayed pictures of the three friends, Clarke and her mom and a string of twinkling lights around Clarke’s bed.

  
“Last touch,” Clarke said, setting the picture of her and her late father on her desk, “perfect”.

  
“Remind me again why you couldn’t stay in your old dorm?” Raven asked, taking a seat on Clarke’s freshly made bed.

  
“Well, because I moved home for the summer they gave my place up and I had to reapply for housing, and this place is actually a lot closer to my classes.”

  
“Nice, plus, your last roommate was kind of a bitch.” Raven laughed, elbowing Octavia.

  
“I was a great roommate!” Octavia defended.

  
“You were” Clarke smiled, “and look, a beautiful friendship emerged.”

  
“Exactly,” Octavia shot at Raven, “maybe the same thing will happen here” O smiled, looking over at Lexa’s bed.

  
“I sure hope so.” Clarke said, dismissively. She was looking at Lexa’s side of the room too and was sure the girl couldn’t be done unpacking. She must have gone to get the rest of her stuff and that’s why she wasn’t there.

  
“Well, I hate to do you a giant favour and run, but I have a bunch of Latin I need to start looking over” Octavia said, standing up.

  
“I will never understand how someone so dumb can be so smart.” Raven said.

  
Clarke laughed and hugged Octavia goodbye, “Thanks so much O, I’m sure I will find a way to repay you.”

  
“You better,” Octavia joked, and turned to hug Raven who had gotten off the bed, “I’ll see you back in our dorm?”

  
“Sounds good,” Raven said, “I’m gonna head back over there now, I only have an hour before physio therapy.”

  
“Okay, thank you guys so much!” Clarke said, hugging Raven before the pair left her alone to her thoughts.

  
After puttering around for a bit, Clarke settled onto her bed and pulled out a worn copy of William Tennyson poetry. She was just finishing The Charge of the Light Brigade when the door opened and Lexa walked in.

 

“Hi,” Clarke said, getting of her bed and offering her hand to the stranger, “I’m Clarke Griffin, I’m hoping you’re my roommate, and not just breaking in.”

  
Lexa took the girl in before shaking her hand, “Lexa Woods.” She said, not offering any more details.

  
“Do you need help bringing up the rest of your stuff?” Clarke asked.

  
Lexa paused and looked around at her meagre surroundings, “This is everything” She said, setting her new books on her desk

.  
“Oh,” Clarke said, feeling the awkward tension start to grow. Way to be a complete fucking idiot Clarke, she chastised herself, “well, if you want, you can put some of your stuff in the mini-fridge under my desk there. It doesn’t hold much, but if you get pizza or something, it’s nice to have a place to put it.” She was rambling and could feel herself starting to get red, so she stopped.

  
After a few moments, Lexa turned around and gave Clarke a slight smile, “Thank you”. It wasn’t this girl’s fault she was rich, or at least, better off than Lexa. And Lexa was really trying not to jump to conclusions, she felt she owed Anya that much.

  
The pair looked at each other for a moment, neither sure what to say to the other, before Lexa finally broke the silence, “Well, I have work, so I guess I’ll see you later.”

  
“Yeah, I don’t have plans tonight, so I’ll just be here.” Clarke said, hoping things would be less awkward tonight.

  
Lexa forced a half smile before picking up her bag and a water bottle, and left the room. Clarke let out a sigh and dropped back onto her bed. Well, it could have gone worse, she thought, I could have completely insulted her instead of just shoving my foot in my mouth. She lay on her bed, hoping for the sweet release of death when her phone buzzed next to her. She took a deep breath, trying to shake the uncomfortable interaction out of her head before grabbing the phone and swiping it open.

It was Raven: “Clarke, I swear your new roommate works at the physio clinic.”

  
Clarke waited impatiently as the three dots flashed. Finally, a picture popped up on the screen. She sat up as she recognized Lexa from the quick picture Raven had just snapped.

  
“That’s totally her! What is she doing?” Clarke quickly texted back.

  
Her phone buzzed again, “She’s in Kines, she’s doing my assessment.”

  
Well that would make sense, Clarke thought, she did say she was heading to work. Clarke smiled, a bit of her had worried that Lexa had just left because of the awkward situation, and was relieved to see she hadn’t been blown off.

  
“Is she any good?” Clarke asked.

  
“My leg is still attached.” Raven texted back.

  
Clarke was still thinking of what to say when Raven texted again, “She’s heading back in, I’ll try to bring you up.”

  
“No, don’t!” She texted back, but Raven must have put her phone away, because she hadn’t read the message. Clarke sat there for a moment, _okay, so we have some things in common, she’s in kinestheology, I’m in pre-med, this is good._

  
Clarke spent the rest of the evening fine tuning the dorm, and setting everything up just the way she liked it. After a few hours, she couldn’t ignore the gnawing in her stomach and walked to the caff. She knew she’d be hungry again that night, so she stopped off and picked up a pepperoni pizza on the way home. Pepperoni is good, who doesn’t like pepperoni? Clarke thought as she walked up the stairs. This way, she could share with Lexa, and potentially learn more about the girl sleeping five feet away from her. She knew that things would go one of two ways; she and Lexa would hit it off, and the semester would be a lot more fun, or things would keep being awkward and the dorm would become the last place either of them wanted to spend time. Clarke was a fairly social person, when her friends forced her to, but she really was a homebody, so things working out with Lexa would make her life a lot easier. She took a deep breath before opening the door, just in case Lexa was on the other side.


	2. Chapter 2

The line up at the bookstore wasn’t as bad as Lexa thought it would have been. Most people will probably wait until classes actually start she thought. She paid for her books and stopped for a frozen yogurt on the way home. She thought about what her new roommate would be like, but didn’t want to get her hopes up. It was true, she had hated her last four roommates, but they were all rich girls who were more interested in screwing their boyfriends than getting to know their pathetic roommate. Most of the girls had just ignored Lexa, or were polite when they saw her, but never spoke. Lexa didn’t know if she had done something wrong, if she had come off as a bitch, or if she was just unlovable. That was something some of her foster parents had said to her, and Anya always said it wasn’t true, but those kinds of thoughts really eat away at a person. Lexa had put off going home as long as possible, but she had all her books, and her yogurt was long gone. She had hoped she could just head right to work from the bookstore, but she had forgotten her water bottle and time sheet in the dorm, rookie mistake. But there was also a part of her that had consciously forgotten her work stuff, because deep down, she really wanted to hit things off with this new roommate. She walked up the seven flights of stairs and took a deep, steadying breath before she swung the door open. She was surprised to see the room look so different. There were pictures all over the one wall, and the other desk had been set up, but what really caught her eye was the blonde girl sitting on the bed. Immediately the girl jumped up and stretched her hand out,

  
“Hi, I’m Clarke Griffin, I’m hoping you’re my roommate, and not just breaking in.” The girl smiled, and Lexa wanted to laugh, but she knew it couldn’t be that simple. She realized the girl was waiting for her to say something, so she quickly took the girls hand and shook it.

  
“Lexa Woods.” She muttered. This was more than Lexa thought was possible. The girl was pretty, and nice, and actually noticed Lexa. Weird.

  
“Do you need help bringing up the rest of your stuff?” Clarke asked, and then Lexa knew what the problem was. Clarke was rich. This was going to be something that would slowly come between the girls, if they ever hoped to be friends. Clarke would want to go out for dinner and go shopping, and while Lexa worked, all the money she made was all she had to fall back on. Lexa’s heart dropped, and she could feel her cheeks flush as she looked back up at Clarke.

  
“This is everything.” She said, quickly turning around to put her books on her desk. She kept her back to Clarke, praying her face would return to a normal colour quickly.

  
“Oh,” Clarke said, “well, if you want, you can put some of your stuff in the mini-fridge under my desk there. It doesn’t hold much, but if you get pizza or something, it’s nice to have a place to put it.”

  
_Perfect_ , Lexa thought, _either this girl is really nice, or she already pities me. The poor girl who has nothing, she can use some of my stuff to make me feel better about having money._ Lexa didn’t want to come off as a bitch though, because even though she felt that things couldn’t get more awkward, the girl was still trying to be really nice.

  
“Thank you.” Lexa answered, looking at the watch on her wrist, “Well, I have work, so I guess I’ll see you later.” As she started to gather her things she could fee Clarke’s eyes on her.

  
“Yeah, I don’t have plans tonight, so I’ll just be here.” Clarke said, sitting back down on her bed.

  
Lexa tried to smile as she picked up the rest of her things and left the stuffy dorm. As she walked towards the student clinic she could of smacked herself. Clarke was trying so hard, and it’s not her fault she thought I’d have more stuff. You need to make it up to her tonight, be nice! You’re the one who wants this fucking thing to work out in the first place she shook her head and tried to focus on work as she entered the building. Lexa dropped her stuff off in the staff room and pulled her hair into a neat ponytail. She took a swig from her water bottle before heading into the back.

  
“What do we have on today?” She asked Nyko, the full time physiotherapist.

  
“Not too much,” he said, looking at the charts on the desk, “we have a girl fresh out of surgery, knee trauma, a couple athletes need some taping, and a dislocated shoulder.”

  
“Sounds good, where would you like me to start?” Lexa asked, noticing a girl already sitting in one of the curtained off rooms.

  
“Raven’s in there, the one with the knee issues, why don’t you do the initial assessment and I’ll look it over before we decide on a treatment strategy.” Nyko finished, handing Lexa Raven’s file

  
“Alright,” Lexa said, taking the file and giving it a quick glance. Lexa pulled a stool into the room and closed the curtain behind her to give the pair a bit of privacy, “So, Raven Reyes.” She started.

  
“That’s me.” The girl on the table said.

  
“Perfect, well Raven, I’m Lexa Woods, I’m a Kinestheology student at the U here and am doing my practicum. Any work we do together, or assessments I give will belooked over by Nyko, our full time physio. Do you have any concerns before we get started?”

  
“Nope, I’m all yours.” Raven answered with a smile.

  
Lexa smiled back, “Alright, why don’t you tell me about how you hurt your knee?”

  
Raven rolled her eyes, “It’s a bit of a long story.”

  
“Then tell me the abridged version.” Lexa said, clicking her pen to the ready.

  
“I was in a Chem lab when some idiot mixed the wrong chemicals. He was at the bench next to me, and when the explosion happened, I was flung across the room. I don’t super remember what happened, I hit my head too. What I did know was that my knee was fucked up, and hurt a lot. I had surgery, and now it still hurts, and is still fucked up.”

  
Lexa nodded, “Alright, I have your post op notes here, I’m just going to consult with Nyko before we get started, are you okay to wait here?”

  
“No problem.” Raven said. She was a little relieved that Lexa didn’t apologize for what had happened, or tried to make small talk. It was refreshing and real. As soon as Lexa stepped out of the room, Raven grabbed her phone and texted Clarke.

  
“Clarke, I swear your new roommate works at the physio clinic.” As soon as she sent the first text she peered around the curtain. She could see Lexa’s profile and quickly took a picture and sent it off to Clarke.

  
Raven’s phone buzzed, “That’s totally her! What is she doing?”

  
“She’s in Kines, she’s doing my assessment.” She replied, keeping an eye on Lexa. She felt like she was committing espionage.

  
“Is she any good?” Clarke asked.

  
“My leg is still attached.” Raven texted back, Lexa nodded at whatever Nyko had said and picked the file back up. Raven panicked slightly before firing off one last text, “She’s heading back in, I’ll try to bring you up.” She put her phone under her thigh and felt it go off as Lexa entered the room.

  
"So I talked to Nyko, and we both agree that a fairly aggressive treatment is called for. You’re young and healthy, and there’s no reason that you shouldn’t be able to regain a fair amount of your range of motion, and possibly down grade to a lower tech brace. I have to admit, I’ve never seen one quite like it.”

  
Raven smiled down at the sleek looking contraption around her knee, “Thanks, I made it myself.”

  
“That’s really impressive.” Lexa admitted.

  
“Thanks,” Raven said, nodding, “so doc, am I free to go?”

  
Lexa looked up, a little startled, “Oh, I’m no doctor, and I was thinking we could go over a few basic exercises to start getting some strength back in your knee.”

  
“Oh, okay,” Raven said, “I think I’m just used to being around pre-med students that I kind of blanked.”

  
Lexa was standing up and looking for a thera-band, so she replied over her shoulder, “I thought you said you were in engineering?”

  
“I am, but my best friend, Clarke is pre-med, and Octavia and I usually help her study.” Raven worked Clarke into the conversation so smoothly that she even impressed herself.

  
Lexa on the other hand, was completely caught off guard. Pre-med, Clarke must be rich. Then why is she staying in a crappy dorm, and why isn’t she rooming with one of her friends? Lexa cleared her throat before turning around, “Clarke Griffin?”

  
Raven acted surprised, “Oh, you know her?”

  
Lexa sat down on her stool and handed Raven the thera-band, “Yeah, I just met her today. She’s actually my new roommate.”

  
“Small world.” Raven said, smiling to herself as she took her brace off.

  
Lexa was trying to figure out everything Raven had said, “And who’s Octavia?”

  
“She was Clarke’s roommate last year.”

  
“Is she pre-med too?” Lexa asked, trying to keep the three of them straight in her mind.

  
“No,” Raven shook her head, “she’s in linguistics, and she is crazy good at it.”

  
“That’s impressive,” Lexa said, thinking of Clarke’s elite squad, “alright, let’s get started on some exercises.”

 

The rest of Lexa’s shift was pretty uneventful, and at 7:30, she was ready to head home. She packed up her things and was about to leave when she heard a window shatter. Lexa headed towards the sound without thinking. There was a tall, lanky boy standing in the middle of the clinic, his beady eyes darting around the room. When they finally settled on Lexa he raced towards her.

  
“Where are they?” He asked, his voice raspy.

  
“What do you mean?” Lexa asked, backing up searching for something she could use to defend herself.

  
“The drugs, man.” He said, eyes still searching the clinic.

  
“We don’t have any drugs here, we’re a physio clinic.”

  
“Stop lying!” He shouted, pulling a knife out of his pocket.

At this, Lexa lunged towards him, tackling him around the middle, the shock of the sudden movement caused him to loosen his grip, and the knife fell from his hand. Lexa raced towards it, but the boy recovered faster than she had expected. He kicked the blade across the room and landed a solid punch to Lexa’s jaw. Her eyes filled with tears, but she could take a punch. She followed the motion downwards and then sprung up, catching the boy off guard. Her fist connected with his nose, and it erupted like a bloody faucet. The boy stumbled backwards and she ran towards the door. She was almost there when she felt her legs go out from under her. The boy had flung himself at her, taking her out at the knees. She fell and tried to get back up, but the boy was over her, kicking her repeatedly in the ribs. She tried to arch her back and absorb the blows over as much surface area as possible when she saw the blade glint to her left. The next time his foot connected with her abdomen, she reached out her arm and grabbed the knife, sinking it into the fleshy part of his thigh. She heard him shriek as she twisted the blade and swung her legs around his, dropping him to the floor. She scrambled up and grabbed her phone from her bag, snapping a picture of him.

  
“I know what you look like and have proof,” She spat, “if you fuck off and don’t come back, I won’t turn you in, got it?”

  
The boy nodded quickly, gasping and groping at his leg.

  
“Good.” Lexa said, stepping over him and pulling the knife out of this thigh, “Now get up, your bleeding on my floor.”

  
The boy struggled to right him self, and Lexa opened the door. She starred at him as he clenched his jaw and staggered out of the clinic. Lexa slammed the door and took a deep breath. She looked at the bloody scene before her and didn’t have the energy to clean it up, but knew she had to if she didn’t want anyone to find out. She found an old cardboard box and some duct tape and boarded up the broken window as best she could. She swept up the glass and found a mop and some bleach. She wiped up the blood and straightened things up before staggering home herself.


	3. Chapter 3

The cool night air helped Lexa clear her head as she walked back to the dorm. The adrenaline had started wearing off, and she could feel her ribs throb with each step. The stairs we a nightmare, and she more crawled than walked up the seven flights. When she finally reached the top, she fumbled for her keys before falling through the door and collapsing on her bed. Everything hurt, her head, jaw, hand and ribs especially. After a few minutes she staggered over to the mirror Clarke had hung beside the door, and winced when she saw her reflection. She had a vertical cut through her left eyebrow that she had no recollection of, probably from the broken glass on the floor. A bruise was blossoming on her left jawbone, and all the colour was drained from her face. She didn’t think she had it in her to inspect her ribs, but knew she had to. She gingerly lifted her shirt and saw the mess of red and purple covering her right side as the door behind her swung open.

Clarke came through the door with a box of pizza, she was grinning until she saw what Lexa was doing.

            “Oh my god Lexa, what happened?” She said, setting the box down on her bed and rounding on her roommate.

            “Would you believe I fell down the stairs?” Lexa smirked, feeling a twinge of pain shoot through her jaw.

            Clarke shook her head, how could she be acting so nonchalant at a time like this. She stepped forward to get a better look at Lexa’s ribs, “May I?” She asked. Lexa nodded and Clarke gently pressed her fingers against the discoloured skin. Lexa drew a sharp breath in.

            “I’m sorry,” Clarke said, “everything feels intact, but I wouldn’t be surprised if you cracked a few of these. You should go for an x-ray in the morning.”

            Lexa shook her head, “It’s fine.” She said, through gritted teeth.

            Clarke’s head shot up, “What do you mean, it’s fine?”

            Lexa smiled and staggered over to her bed, and more or less, flopped down, “If they’re cracked, their cracked, there’s nothing much they can do.”

            Clarke rolled her eyes and struggled to find words.

            “It’s fine, pre-med, I’ll live.”

            Clarke’s brow furrowed, “How do you know what I’m taking?”

            “I bumped into your friend Raven tonight.”

            Clarke nodded, “Oh right.” Lexa raised her eyebrows and Clarke nervously smiled, “She texted me, recognized you from that picture I guess.” She motioned to the photo on Lexa’s desk. Lexa nodded, and the pair remained silent for a moment.

            “If you’re not going to get anything looked at, will you at least let me help?”

            Lexa couldn’t help but smile; no one had ever helped her when she had been hurt before, no one but Anya. But that was different they were like sisters. Clarke had no obligation to help, but she wanted to anyways. Lexa nodded, not trusting her voice at the moment. Clarke went over to her desk and grabbed a first aid kit from under it. She also grabbed a beer from the fridge.

            “This might help,” She said, handing it to Lexa, “but I can assure you, this is gonna hurt like a bitch.”

            Lexa took the beer gratefully, “I appreciate the bedside manner” Lexa said, cracking the beer open.

Clarke paused and looked at her, “That wasn’t a twist off…”

Lexa laughed and then winced, “Everything’s a twist off if you try hard enough.”

Clarke shook her head and knelt in front of Lexa, taking her hand. Lexa looked at Clarke, somewhat confused, “Your knuckles.” Clarke said, motioning down.

Lexa let out an insecure laugh, “The stairs needed to learn their lesson, from tripping me.”

Clarke shook her head, “Listen, you are literally going to be half naked in front of me soon,” Lexa raised an eyebrow, but Clarke continued, “so why don’t you cut the bullshit and tell me what really happened.”

Lexa appreciated Clarke’s straightforward nature, but was still worried she’d want to go to the Dean or something, and Lexa did not want to ruffle any feathers.

“Look,” Clarke said, her voice dropping a bit as she rummaged through the kit, “I promise I won’t tell anyone, doctor patient confidentiality.” She said, smiling half-heartedly.

Lexa nodded, and could tell how much Clarke wanted her to answer. She took a deep breath before stating; “Some stoner thought we kept drugs on the premises, so he broke in. It was going swimmingly until he pulled a knife and things… escalated.”

Clarke nodded, and remained surprisingly calm. Lexa let out a slight hiss of air as Clarke pressed an alcohol swab to her knuckles, “Baby.” Clarke smiled, looking up at Lexa. And for the first time, Lexa honestly laughed. Not a sarcastic, snarky laugh, but an honest light hearted one. The sound filled the room and made both girls relax a bit.

“Alright, mind if I look at your eyebrow now?” Clarke asked, settling on the bed next to Lexa.

Lexa took a hearty swig from her beer, “What ever the doctor orders.”

Clarke cleaned up Lexa’s cut before putting a steri-strip over the cut, “It’s not too deep, but this will help mitigate scaring.”

Lexa nodded before Clarke paused and looked into Lexa’s green eyes. Lexa cocked her head a little, “You know, I’m literally going to be half naked in front of you soon, so you might as well ask me whatever's on your mind.”

Clarke laughed and the tension subsided, she held out her hand, and Lexa passed her the beer. Clarke too a long drag from it before handing it back, “You’re not lying about the clinic, right?” Lexa looked confused, “It just…it wasn’t an angry boyfriend who did this to you, or something?”

Lexa couldn’t help but smile a little. Wow, she had really read Clarke wrong before. She was genuine and concerned, Lexa waited her turn to get the beer again and then shook her head, “I promise, there are not any boyfriends, angry or otherwise.”

Clarke furrowed her brow, “I find that hard to believe, a pretty girl like you.”

Lexa laughed slightly again, “I mean, I’m not into guys.”

“Oh,” Clarke said, blushing slightly, “I get it, I’m sorry I’m so thick.”

Lexa laughed again, wincing again in pain.

“Here, let me tend to those now.” Clarke said, holding her hand out for the beer and draining the last of it. Lexa nodded and slowly removed her shirt. “You’re gonna need to take your bra off too.” Lexa raised an eyebrow and Clarke smugly shook her head, “I gave you fair warning.”

“But you waited until I admitted I was a lesbian.”

Clarke smiled and shook her head, “But I have not said anything to that effect.”

It was Lexa’s turn to look smug, “Oh really? You have beer in your fridge, you didn’t refer to your female friends as ‘girlfriends’ and in that picture,” Lexa said, pointing to Clarke’s side of the room, “you are literally waving a rainbow flag.”

Clarke looked over her shoulder and laughed, “Alright, you got me. I’m bisexual,” She said, “but I promise I will be more than professional.”

Lexa smiled and removed her bra, “I would expect nothing less, but I also might bet offended if you don’t even try to sneak a peek.”

Clarke rolled her eyes, “Lay down.”

Lexa raised an eyebrow again, “Man, you might have given me a drink, but I would expect dinner before this kind of treatment.”

“In my defense, I did get us pizza, but the open wounds and gigantic bruises took precedent.”

“Fair enough,” Lexa admitted, “what kind did you get.”

“Pepperoni,” Clarke said, “now hold still, I’m trying to work here.”

Lexa smiled, “I love pepperoni” she whispered, doing her best to remain still. Clarke let out a slight laugh as she palpated Lexa’s sternum and each rib that connected. Lexa did her best not to move, but the pain was increasing from Clarke’s touch, no matter how gentle she was trying to be.

“Breathe,” Clarke counselled, and Lexa let out a sharp breath, not realizing she had been holding it. “Alright,” Clarke said, reaching back into the first aid kit, “while I can’t guarantee anything, especially since you won’t get a fucking x-ray, I personally believe that there are no broken ribs that will puncture your lung and cause you to die.”

Lexa nodded, “That’s good enough for me,” she said, attempting to sit up cautiously. Clarke gently pushed her back down. “Oh, so you aren’t done with me.”

“You are despicable,” Clarke said, cracking an ice pack before pressing it against Lexa’s ribs, a little harder than necessary.

“Damn,” Lexa said, sucking in slightly.

Clarke laughed before applying a second pack, more gently this time. She tensored the packs to Lexa before handing her shirt back.

“Now, I’m about to put this back on, are you sure you don’t want to take a quick, unprofessional glance? I wouldn’t hold it against you.”

Clarke rolled her eyes and walked over to the fridge, getting two more beers. Lexa laughed as she pulled her shirt on and leaned back against her pillows, gently propping herself up. Clarke handed Lexa another beer and brought the pizza box over to the bed. Lexa took a slice and looked up at Clarke who was taking a deep swig of her beer.

“Thanks,” Lexa said in a quiet voice, “you really didn’t have to do that.”

Clarke looked up, surprised to see Lexa looking so small all of a sudden, “Not a problem, what are friends for?”

Lexa smiled, and the two clinked their beers together.

 

Lexa had a restless sleep that night. Every time she rolled over or shifted, a sharp pain shot through her ribs. As she lay there awake, she listened to Clarke’s gentle, even breath’s, and thought about their evening. They had laughed and talked casually. Clarke told Lexa about her friends and what they had done over the summer. Lexa had talked about Anya, but referred to her as a sister, not wanting to go too deep their first night. Things had remained light and pleasant, and Lexa was pleased that she had been so wrong about Clarke.

Clarke’s mind was far too busy to sleep. She lay there awake, listening to Lexa’s gentle breathing. She couldn’t believe how rough Lexa’s injuries had been, and how un-phased she was by them. Most patients she had seen freaked out about minor scraps, but not Lexa. She seemed like she was used to pain, or that this wasn’t the worst thing that had happened to her. Clarke also couldn’t stop thinking about the fun they had had that night. It was so easy for her to talk to Lexa, and she felt like she had done most of the talking. Lexa was difficult to read, she was the strong silent type, and when she did talk, she seemed heavily guarded. Clarke thought back to the confident and sarcastic remarks Lexa had made when she first got home, and how that had almost completely faded as the night went on.

Both girls were interested in the other, how could they be so different and hit it off so well? Lexa wanted to figure out why Clarke was so giving and genuine, and Clarke wanted to see why Lexa was so guarded. The girls fell asleep thinking of the other, and that would become a common thing.


	4. Chapter 4

“So, is she hot?” Octavia asked, plunking herself on Clarke’s bed.

“O, not now-“ Clarke tried to warn her, but it was too late.

“Cause it’s been a while since you got laid, and I think it would really be good for all of us if you got some.”

Raven nodded and Clarke groaned and tried to crawl back under her covers.

“I think she’s pretty hot, but I’m a little biased,” Lexa said, pulling her covers back.

“Fuck.” Octavia said, blushing

Lexa laughed and sat up stiffly.

“Octavia, meet Lexa, Lexa, this is O” Clarke mumbled, still under her comforter.

“Pleasure,” Lexa said, wincing as she stood up.

“Hey Lex,” Raven smiled.

“Raven, always good to see you, in my room, at,” Lexa glanced down at her watch, “8 on a Saturday morning.”

Clarke popped out from under her blankets, “What can I say, my friends are dicks.”

Lexa smiled and grabbed her shower things, “Well, have fun.” She said, backing out of the room and down to the showers.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Raven scoffed as soon as the door closed.

“What?” Octavia said, “I didn’t know she was here.”

“It’s 8 in the morning, where else would she be?” Clarke asked, sitting up in bed.

“I don’t know!” Octavia shot, “I don’t know her daily routine.”

Raven laughed heartily as she walked over to the fridge and grabbed a slice of left over pizza, “So how did things go last night?”

Clarke thought back to the activities from last night, and felt strangely protective of Lexa, “They were good, we just talked and had a nice time.”

Octavia picked up on how strange Clarke was acting, but didn’t want to make a big deal about it, “So,” she said, changing the topic, “Bellamy and some of the guys are having a ‘Welcome back’ party tonight at The Drop Ship, do you guys wanna go?”

“I’m down,” Raven said with her mouth full, “is Jasper going to be there?”

Clarke looked up at her confused, “Why, do you have a thing for him?”

“God no,” Raven said, “I’m just kind of worried about the guy, he’s having a rough time and I get that.”

Octavia nodded, “Well, there’s gonna be free booze, I’m sure he’ll be there.”

Raven nodded, “True. Hey Clarke, you should see if Lexa wants to come.”

“Yeah,” Clarke said, smiling, “I think that’s a good idea.”

Octavia nodded, “Okay, so it’s settled, we’ll meet outside The Drop Ship at 10.”

Clarke nodded, “Sounds like a plan, now get out of here so I can live my life in peace.”

Octavia laughed with Raven feigned a look of total rejection, “Alright you loser, just don’t spend all day studying.”

“I won’t spend all day studying, I’m meeting you guys at 10.”

“You disgust me,” Octavia said, hauling Raven up with her, “but we’ll get out of your hair.”

Raven and Octavia left the dorm and Clarke stretched out on the bed. She lay there for a moment, trying to decide if she should invite Lexa or not. The two had just met, but Clarke already felt that they would make great friends. Lexa had started to open up to her last night, and that made Clarke feel special. She wanted to know all of Lexa, what made her tick, and why she was so guarded.

After a few moments Clarke shook her head and got up, walked to her desk and flipped open her anatomy textbook.

 

.

The cool water was incredibly refreshing and painful on Lexa’s sore body. She stood under the steady stream and let the water cascade over her. She thought back to the night she and Clarke had shared and couldn’t help but smile. She shook her head and thought about what she needed to get done before classes started next week. She needed to go to the library and look up a couple articles she had neglected to find during the summer. She wanted to pick up a couple of last minute things, and she told Anya she would stop by her place. She quickly finished washing up and headed back to the dorm to drop her things off before heading out for the day.

 

When the door opened, Clarke didn’t even flinch. She was completely absorbed in her studies and she almost didn’t realize that Lexa was talking to her.

“I’m gonna head out, do you want me to pick anything up for the dorm?”

Clarke spun around on her chair and her head stopped for a moment. Lexa looked so beautiful with her wet, long brown hair cascading over her shoulders. Her green eyes were bright, and the black top her wore was hugging her curves in just the right places. Clarke cleared her throat before answering, “No, I’m good, but thanks for offering.”

Lexa smiled and turned to leave when Clarke stopped her.

“Hey, Lexa,” Clarke stammered. Lexa turned around and smiled, almost making Clarke fall over, _calm down girl_ , “Octavia, Raven and I were gonna go to a party at The Drop Ship tonight around 10, do you wanna come?”

Lexa wasn’t much of a party person, but Clarke was being so nice to her and she didn’t want to disappoint the blonde, “Sure, I’d love to.”

Lexa was rewarded by Clarke’s bright smile, “Sweet, I’ll see you then.”

 

“So, have you even bothered to unpack, or are we moving you again?” Anya asked, sipping her coffee, black.

The two had decided to meet at a coffee shop just off of campus. Anya worked mostly nights and always made time to see her little sister.

Lexa scoffed, blowing on her London Fog, “Surprisingly enough, no.”

Anya raised an eyebrow before setting her drink down, “Really? What’s so different about this one?”

“I don’t know,” Lexa shrugged, a slight smile playing at her lips, “she just, isn’t what I expected.”

Anya laughed, “She, hu? I thought you were gonna say the view or the AC, but it’s the roommate. I did not see this coming.”

Lexa looked confused, “What do you mean?”

“I just didn’t think you’d fall for your roommate.”

Lexa almost choked on her drink, “I am not falling for Clarke.”

“Oh please,” Anya scoffed, “you’ve always had a weakness for blondes.”

“How did you know she’s blonde?”

“Psh, Clarke is such a blonde name.”

Lexa laughed and shook her head.

“Fine, I’ll let it go for now,” Anya set her drink down and Lexa smiled appreciatively, “but do you expect me to just ignore the cut on your eyebrow and the obvious wincing?”

“How about we go back to the Clarke thing.”

Anya laughed and brushed Lexa’s hair to the side, “I worry about you kid, are you taking care of yourself?”

Lexa’s eyes softened, “Of course I am, you taught me well.”

 

.

Clarke was trying on different outfits when someone knocked softly on the door. Clarke looked up, but Octavia was already letting herself in.

“Hey.” Clarke said, looking back to the mirror.

“Well good evening Clarke, you look rather beautiful, and may I say that it the weather is wondrous ‘tis eventide.”

“What the fuck?” Clarke asked, laughing.

Octavia looked around the dorm before throwing Lexa’s blankets back, “Good, I just wanted to make sure we were alone so we didn’t have a repeat incident like this morning.”

Clarke shook her head before deciding she was pleased with her outfit; a blue leather jacket over a white graphic cut away and tight black pants.

“Dang, you on the prowl tonight?” Octavia asked, lounging on Clarke’s bed.

Clarke laughed again, “No…maybe…”

“Oooh! Who is it?”

Clarke blushed slightly, and Octavia’s eyes grew, “Shut up, you do not have a thing for Lexa!

“It’s not a thing,” Clarke said, plopping down on the end of her bed, “it is most definitely not a thing.”

“But…” Octavia led.

“But, there is potential attraction, and I want to gather all the information I can before I move forward.”

“Wow,” Octavia said, sitting back so her head rested on the wall, “only you can make something so romantic sound so analytical.”

“Shut up,” Clarke said, hitting Octavia’s thigh, “How are things with Lincoln?” She asked, trying to change the topic.

Octavia rolled her eyes, but let Clarke get away with it for the time being, “Things are so good,” she gushed, “he’s gonna be at the party tonight.”

Clarke looked up, surprised, “With Bellamy there?”

Octavia nodded, “They’ve tried to put aside their difference, for me.”

“Well that’s awesome, O.”

“I don’t get what Bellamy’s problem is. I mean, I get it, Lincoln is a few years older than me-“

“Ten years older than you…”

“Hey, you’re supposed to be on my side!”

“I am O, I promise! I really like you and Lincoln together, he’s a great guy.” Clarke said, genuinely

Octavia smiled, “He really is,” she shook her head, as if clearing her thoughts, “anyway, I’m supposed to be meeting him soon, so we can hang before the party. I’ll see you there?”

“Sounds good.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your kind comments and suggestions! I know not a lot happened in this chapter, but I promise things are going to pick up soon. If you have any requests for one shots or new fics, message me on tumblr. ontheoutside-looking-in


	5. Chapter 5

Lexa walked through the crowded park, trying to find a familiar face. ‘The Drop Ship’, as the students affectionately called it, was actually just a large park near the end of campus. There was a large rock in the centre of the clearing that had a hollow center, and could be entered after one carefully scaled the face of the rock, and then dropped in from the top. Legend said a freshman jumped down and was trapped for three days before anyone found him. Since then, people had brought climbing ropes to any and all events held at The Drop Ship.

Clarke was standing near a bonfire to the left of the rock, when she saw Lexa emerge from the trees. Her breath caught in her throat for a moment as the girl neared, smiling. Lexa was wearing tight jeans that hugged her ass perfectly. Anya had suggested she wear a top that showed her off even more, but Lexa couldn’t take the pressure against her ribs, so she settled with a slightly baggy ‘University of Polis’ long sleeved tee, the sleeves pushed up to her elbows. If you asked Clarke, the shirt did show Lexa off just right, and she tried to play it cool as the girl came to stand beside her.

“Hey, you are a hard girl to find.”

Clarke smiled, “I’m glad you came.”

Lexa was trying to catch her breath, but was struggling to find it. Clarke looked incredible. The blue leather jacket made her eyes pop, and her pants left little to the imagination. Lexa didn’t want to get caught staring, so she cleared her throat and gestured to the cooler, “I’m gonna get a beer, want one?”

“Sure,” Clarke answered, quickly draining the bottle in her hand. Lexa smiled and took the empty, replacing it moments later with a new one. “Thank you.”

“Not a problem, it’s always better to keep a girl wet.” She winked. Clarke almost choked on her beer.

“Hey, Lexa!” Raven called from the other side of the bonfire, limping over to her and Clarke, “When did you get here?”

Lexa smiled, “Just now, your knee okay?”

“This old thing?” She asked, gesturing to her bum leg, “I’m not letting it slow me down.”

Lexa smiled, sipping her drink, “That’s good to hear, you doing your exercises?”

Raven nodded, “Every day.”

“That’s what I like to hear. Clarke, you’re being strangely quiet.”

Clarke smiled, “Sorry, Lexa and I were just having a very illuminating conversation, I was just wrapping my mind around something she said.”

Raven put her hands up in surrender, “Well, don’t let me stop you. I’ll catch you guys later.”

“Sounds good.” Lexa said as Raven walked back to the fire. She couldn’t help but laugh a little under her breath.

“What?” Clarke questioned.

Lexa took a long drag from her beer before answering, “Nothing, I just didn’t know there was anything to think about from my former statement.” Lexa was worried she had over stepped with Clarke. She had mostly been joking, but she was also testing out the waters. She knew she was attracted to Clarke, but just because she liked girls didn’t mean she liked every girl.

Clarke shook her head slightly, “Octavia and her boyfriend Lincoln are over by the fire, I was gonna say hello, you wanna come?”

“I’ll meet you over there, I need another.” She said, shaking the empty bottle.

“Alright,” Clarke started, “but don’t take too long.” She added, over her shoulder.

Lexa smirked a little, _so maybe Clarke is interested…interesting…_

She walked back to the cooler and her hand brushed against someone else’s, “Oh, I’m sorry,” she said, standing up. Her blood chilled instantly when she saw who it was, “You.” She managed to choke out. It was the guy from last night, who had broken into the clinic. He looked rough, much worse than he had last night. His eyes were still vacant, but he had a black eye, and a cut across the bridge of his nose.

The boy smirked, “Not so tough now,” he said, cracking his beer and draining it in one go. He reached down for another and cracked it open.

“Much more pathetic,” Lexa breathed. She felt bad for the guy, honestly, but he had broken into the clinic and attacked her, so her empathy was lacking.

He clenched his jaw and took a step closer to Lexa, “You have no idea what I’ve been through.”

“Everyone’s got shit, what makes you think you’re so special?” Lexa glowered back. Things were starting to get heated, but what happened next Lexa never saw coming.

“Jasper!” Raven shouted, giving the lanky boy a side hug, “I’m so glad you decided to come out tonight.”

“Said there’d be free beer,” he mumbled, dropping his eyes instantly.

“You know this guy?” Lexa asked, shocked.

“Of course I do, Jasper and us go way back!”

“Us?” If she wasn’t confused before, she certainly was now.

“Hey Jasper,” Clarke said, coming to stand next to the group, with Octavia and Lincoln in tow.

“The whole gang’s here,” Jasper breathed, “well, not all of us.” He shot a hard look at Clarke, and she looked away, her eyes getting glassy. Clarke wanted to run, to get out as fast as possible, but then she noticed how tense Lexa was, and she stopped.

“Hey, you okay?” She asked, placing a hand on Lexa’s shoulder.

Lexa flinched, and Clarke quickly removed her hand, “That’s him.” She growled.

“What’s him?” Octavia asked in a light, happy voice, completely missing the tension.

“It was _him_ , last night.” Lexa spat out.

Clarke looked up sharply, eyes focused, “From the clinic?”

“Shut up,” Jasper shot, “you said you would keep your mouth shut.”

“That’s when I thought you were just a strung out junkie.”

“He is a strung out junkie,” Lincoln said under his breath.

“Shut up, all of you!” Jasper shouted.

“Alright, why don’t we take this down a notch,” Raven said, placing a hand on Jasper’s back, “Jasper, what is she talking about?”

Jasper just shook his head, eyes glued to the ground.

Lexa stood there, hand aching. She looked down, not realizing she had been clenching her fists the whole time. She shook her hands out and tried to focus on her breathing. It was ragged, like she had been running for miles. Her heart was pounding in her ears and her jaw was set, she was ready to fight, and she knew she needed to get out. Lexa shook her head and mumbled something about studying and backed out of the group. She turned and headed up through the trees, the way she had come.

She was pacing back and forth across the dorm. She didn’t know how long she had been doing this, but knew she couldn’t sit still. She was still fuming, but what was really bothering her was that she didn’t know why. She had dealt with people a lot worse than Jasper many times in her life. What was it about him that got under her skin?

Lexa was so tense, so caught up in her thoughts that she hadn’t heard the door open or Clarke come in. When she felt a soft hand on her back she whipped around, pupils dilated.

“Whoa! I’m sorry,” Clarke said, holding her hands up in front of her, “I didn’t mean to scare you.

Lexa’s heart pounded in her chest, she stopped pacing, not wanting to scare Clarke. She was trying to stand still, but felt like she was vibrating, like the anger was surging through her body. Clarke tried to take a step forward, but Lexa shook her head. _No, don’t you dare hurt her, don’t take this out on her._

Lexa clenched her jaw as Clarke stood there, watching her. She expected Clarke to look freaked out, but she didn’t. Lexa couldn’t tell if her demeanour was calming or worrisome, but she didn’t have time to analyze the situation as Clarke took a step further.

“Don’t-“ Lexa choked out, but Clarke just shook her head and closed the gap between them.

“Don’t do that,” Clarke said, standing eye to eye with Lexa, “don’t shut me out.” She placed her hand on Lexa’s cheek, and Lexa turned her head towards it, taking a deep breath.

“I don’t wanna hurt you” Lexa mumbled, looking down.

“Then don’t,” Clarke said, smiling warmly, “talk to me Lex, what’s going on?” Lexa felt her walls coming up. She wanted to talk to Clarke, she really did, but everything inside of her was screaming at her to run.

“Please Lex?”

And in that moment, Lexa felt her walls come crumbling down. She was fighting as hard as she could, but she couldn’t stop the tears from forming.

“Hey,” Clarke said, taking Lexa’s hand and walking over to her bed. The pair sat down, and Clarke kept Lexa’s hand in hers. Clarke wanted to say more, to tell Lexa that everything was okay, that she was there for her, that she could trust her, but something told her she had to let Lexa come to her.

They sat there in silence for a few more minutes before, to Clarke and Lexa’s surprise, Lexa broke it, “He’s me,” she stated.

“Who’s you?” Clarke asked, quietly.

“Jasper,” Lexa spat, and then her tone shifted down into a whisper, “he is me. He is what I could have turned into, and that’s why I hate him so much.” Lexa couldn’t stop the tears from falling down her cheeks, and she didn’t try, she just kept talking.

“He makes me sick, he is so weak, wanting everyone to see his pain, to feel it with him. I can’t stand to look at him because he is everything I was afraid of turning into. Everything I’m afraid I’m turning into.”

“Lex, you’re not Jasper.” Clarke said, trying to soothe her roommate.

“You don’t even know me Clarke.” Lexa stated, not in a mean way, it was just the truth, and Clarke knew it.

Clarke took a deep breath, “I know what you mean, about Jasper. After my dad died,” her voice faltered slightly, and Lexa looked up for the first time, noticing the tears in Clarke’s eyes. Clarke cleared her throat and continued,

“After he died, I was afraid I wouldn’t ever feel anything again, and then I didn’t want to feel again.”

“What changed?”

Clarke smiled slightly and looked up, “My mom. She still needed me.”

Lexa nodded, “Anya is what saved me. No matter how many homes there were, or how far apart we were placed, she was my rock.”

Clarke was trying to fit the pieces together, “I thought they didn’t separate siblings?”

“They don’t,” Lexa smiled, “Anya isn’t my biological sister, we were foster sisters in one of my first homes, and she was more my family than any blood relation I’d ever had. She still is.”

The pair sat there once again, not sure what to say to one another. What is there to say when you open up to someone you barely know? What do you say when that polite wall of privacy has been breached, and your dirty laundry is hanging out for the other to see, clear as day?

Lexa gritted her teeth, “I just hate when people show their pain like that. Everyone has been through something, you’re not special because you’ve been hurt.”

“Do you know what happened to Jasper?” Clarke asked, her voice ringing clear and hollow.

Lexa just shook her head; something about Clarke’s tone had caught her off guard.

“Her name was Maya. She was beautiful and smart, one of the nicest people I’ve ever met. She got sick, I mean really, really sick. She needed a bone marrow transplant. Jasper had tried to donate, but the stem cells just wouldn’t take, so we were all typed. Raven, O, Lincoln, Bellamy, all of us, for Jasper’s sake. He was so blindly in love with her that the thought of losing her drove him mad.” Clarke paused, her voice shaking. Lexa squeezed Clarke’s hand and nodded reassuringly.

“I was a match, but the results came in over Spring Break. I had gone home to be with my mom, and when I heard, I jumped in the car to get back. It was late, and I had been driving all night. I should have just pulled over for a few hours, but I didn’t. I fell asleep at the wheel and almost hit a car, the horn woke me up and I swerved just in time. The other driver called the cops, and I spent the night in jail. Maya died because I didn’t get back in time, and Jasper still blames me.”

Lexa placed her free hand on Clarke’s knee, “Clarke, you have to know that it wasn’t your fault. You said yourself that she was sick, and who knows if your donation would have taken?”

Clarke nodded, “I know, I’ve made amends with the fact that there is nothing I can do to change what happened that night, but that doesn’t mean Jasper has.”

“I’m really sorry.” Lexa said, looking down.

“I’m not saying that Jasper has the right to act the way he does, like you said, we’ve all been through our own shit, but we also deal differently. You have Anya, I have my mom, but Jasper, he feels like he doesn’t have anyone.”

“But he does, he has all of you guys.”

“I guess he doesn’t see it that way.”

Lexa looked at Clarke, the brave, bold girl she had come to admire looked so small and broken in this moment.

Clarke looked at Lexa; she had never seen the guarded, sarcastic girl without her walls up.

Without saying anything, Lexa pulled back the covers and crawled under them, her hand still in Clarke’s. She led the blonde down with her, and pulled the blankest back around them. Lexa wrapped her arm around Clarke, and Clarke rested her head on Lexa’s chest.

“This is the difference.” Lexa said, some time later. Clarke hummed, she was almost asleep and losing the battle quickly, “Jasper still thinks there is an us and them. He hasn’t realized that we’re all just trying to survive.”

Clarke wanted to say something, but Lexa was so warm, and her heartbeat so strong that she didn’t stand a chance.


	6. Chapter 6

Clarke woke first. The sun filtered through the flimsy curtains and cast an array of light and shadows across the girls. The light illuminated half of Lexa’s face, with the other was plunged into darkness

_How fitting_ Clarke thought. Every time she started to see Lexa, truly see her, she felt Lexa pull away. _But that didn’t happen last night. She opened up and actually talked about herself, how she was feeling_. If Clarke hadn’t been falling for Lexa before, she certainly was now. The fact that Lexa tended to shut out the world, but had let Clarke in last night had made the blonde feel utterly privileged. Lexa’s true nature was like an intoxicating drug, and Clarke needed more.

She sighed gently and glanced back at Lexa. The girl looked completely peaceful, her face was smooth and relaxed, a look Clarke had never seen a conscious Lexa adorn. She was so beautiful; dark hair messily cascading across the pillow and framing her angular face was how Clarke always wanted to remember the girl. She gently untangled herself from Lexa and walked over to her desk, quietly pulling her sketchbook from the drawer. She crossed back over to her bed and sat down, getting to work.

She started with Lexa’s strong jaw, her angled cheekbones, and her determined brow. Even in her sleep, Lexa looked determined. She added her eyes; even closed they remained Clarke’s favourite feature of Lexa’s, until she settled on the sleeping girl’s lips. They were so full, so pink, and begging Clarke to kiss them. She drew their perfect shape, and gentle cupids bow. Clarke moved on to the sweeping curls, and was so focused she didn’t notice that Lexa had started to stir.

 

_______________

 

_The room was dark; the only light was coming from a single, naked 50watt bulb hanging in the centre of the room. The shadows dance across the walls in a haunting scene. I’m hiding under the bed, trying to stay silent, and Anya had her hand pressed against my mouth. My breath is ragged and I feel as though I’m a dog, panting after a long run in the park. I can feel Anya’s heart hammering against my arm, and the sound starts to fill my ears, consuming everything, until I hear the stairs creak. Anya’s grip is tightening around my mouth, and I grab for her hand. She’s giving it a reassuring squeeze, but there is nothing that can make me feel better. The dread inside my stomach grows as the footsteps grow louder, sloppier, and closer._

_The door slams open, and it’s a good thing Anya’s hand is where it is, because I almost let out a scream. The shadows tell us where he is, but his image is distorted. He is staggering, and I can smell him from where I am. Liquor and desperation seep from every pore on his body, and his laboured breathing shakes the walls._

_“Why don’t you girls come out and play?” He drawls, stumbling around the small room, “I know you’re in here.”_

_I didn’t think it was possible, but I grab Anya’s arm even tighter, and now I can feel my heart hammering against my rib cage. And then, everything is silent. I can’t hear him breathing, or his faltering footsteps. I look to the wall to see if the shadows will give him away, but I should have known better, the darkness was always on his side._

_Before I can tell what’s happening, Anya screams and slides out from under the bed. He was pulling her out by the ankles, and I knew I was next. I tried to scramble out, but I was so small and uncoordinated._

_“Where do you think you’re going?” He growls, pulling me out to face him. His bald head shines, even in the dim light._

_“Leave Lexa alone, she’s only seven-“ Anya starts, but his hand quickly stretches across her face, silencing her._

_“One more word out of you, and she’ll get it worse.” He slurs, glaring at Anya._

_A tear rolls down my cheek, and I move quickly to brush it away. I won’t let him see me cry, I think, trying to lock my feels down._

_“Love is weakness,” He says, slapping Anya again. And now I know, there’s no stopping him. I just stand there as he berates Anya with his words and his fists, screaming over and over again, “LOVE IS WEAKNESS!”_

_Anya must have decided the same thing I did, because she doesn’t make a sound the entire time, not until he turns to me._

_“No, I’m not done, I haven’t had enough yet.” She gasps out._

_“You dumb bitch.” Titus says, out of breath, before slapping Anya across the face. This time, she crumples to her knees, and he kicks her in the stomach, hard._

_“Stay down,” I beg, and then I feel his hand slam across my face._

_“Love is weakness!” He screams at me, and now I can’t stop the tears from flowing, but I don’t give him the satisfaction of words. I stand until my legs give out, and then he continues to hit and kick me until the lights finally go off._

 

_______________

 

Lexa’s heart started pounding in her chest, and she felt like she couldn’t breathe. She reached a hand out for Clarke, but she wasn’t there. Lexa sat bolt upright, her eyes searching for the familiar face.

The sudden movement caught Clarke’s attention, and she rushed over to the bed, wrapping Lexa up in her arms. Lexa was sobbing, and Clarke couldn’t make out her words at first.

“Honey, slow down, I don’t know what you’re saying.”

“It’s weakness,” she mumbled, “it’s weakness, but I am so tired.” Lexa stammered.

“Hey, everything’s okay, you’re not weak Lexa.”

At the sound of her name, Lexa stilled. She sat up and dried her eyes, “I- I have to go,” she faltered, searching the room for her phone.

“What do you mean? Lexa, slow down.”

“This was a mistake,” Lexa said, cramming a few things into her bag.

“A mistake, Lexa, nothing happened,” Clarke said, standing up.

“I have to go,” Lexa said again, and this time, she was gone.

 

Clarke slumped back down onto Lexa’s bed, _what just happened?_ One minute, Lexa had been sleeping peacefully, and then next she was gone. Clarke wracked her brain, _did I do something? Did she see the drawing and freak out? No, it must have been a bad dream, or some terrible thought._ Clarke’s stomach churned as she thought of everything Lexa had gone through in the short time she had known her. _Lexa is solid, so it must have been something horrible to shake her up so badly_. Before she realized what she was doing, she reached for her phone and pulled up Facebook.

‘Anya Woods’ she typed, finding nothing. _Shit, there’s a good chance they don’t actually have the same last name._ She scratched that idea and moved to the next, looking up ‘Lexa Woods’. A summery image popped up, Lexa in front of the ocean, smiling almost absent minded, and running a casual hand through her hair.

_Of course her profile picture is perfect. Everything about Lexa is perfect._ Clarke quickly shook her head, _come on Clarke, focus._ She clicked on Lexa’s friends and searched until she found ‘Anya Forester,’ _bingo_. Clarke scrolled through her page until she found what she was looking for, grabbed her bag, and headed for the door.

 

Clarke had never been to a bar during the day, and it was a rather sad sight. The few patrons stuck to the shadows and kept their heads down, eyes either on the floor or on their drinks.

“Can I help you?” the bartender asked, looking Clarke up and down before adding, “princess.”

Clarke set her jaw before remembering that she was supposed to be charming. She decided to go with the bartenders nickname, and flashed him a winning smile, “I sure hope so,” she said, biting her lower lip and pushing her arms together ever so slightly, to draw her breasts together. The bar tender smirked and leaned a little closer to her.

“I was wondering if you could tell me when Anya Forester might be in?”

The bar tender narrowed his eyes and went back to wiping the bar down, “And why are you looking for Anya?”

Clarke smiled and tried to look as ditsy as she could, “Well, this is sort of embarrassing, but one of my friends got thrown out of here last night, and Anya took his car keys for extra measure. She said he could get them from her once he sobered up, but it’s kind of an emergency.”

“All keys get turned into the manager at the end of the night,” he stated.

_Shit,_ Clarke had to think on her feet, “Listen, I know there are rules to this kind of thing, but I doubt she gave them to the manager. Before we left, I asked her to hold onto the keys because there was an, important vial on the ring,” she said, looking around and slightly brushing her nose.

The tender laughed under his breath, “Ah, that kind of emergency. Well, I can’t tell you where she lives, because, frankly, I am afraid of her. What I can tell you is that she likes to spend time at the coffee shop two streets over.”

Clarke couldn’t believe it, “Thank you so much!” she said, twirling her hair between two fingers, before rushing out of the bar. She shuddered slightly as she rounded the corner towards the coffee shop; grateful her little act had worked.

A bell chimed as Clarke opened the door, and she tried to look around the room casually. She walked up to the counter and ordered a large coffee, two sugars, before letting her eyes fully wander. Near one of the side windows sat a tall woman who looked a lot like her profile picture. Clarke took her coffee, and a deep breath before approaching the stranger.

“Anya?” she asked, pausing slightly, “Anya Forester?”

The woman glanced up, setting her jaw, “Who wants to know?”

“My name is Clarke Griffin, I’m roommates with your sister.”

Anya looked Clarke up and down before giving into a cocky grin, “I see the appeal.”

Clarke shifted her weight awkwardly, not sure how to reply.

“Are you gonna stand there all day?” Anya quipped, and Clarke quickly settled into the seat across from the terrifying girl.

Clarke sat down, still not sure what to say to the girl. She took a sip of her coffee, wondering how to continue. Finding Anya had been a rather impulsive move, but she didn’t actually think she would get this far. Now that she had, she started to wonder what she was hoping to get out of this.

“So I have to provide the conversation too?” Anya shot. Clarke cleared her throat and tried to give Anya a smile, but she was really starting to not like this girl.

“Sorry, I just didn’t think I’d actually find you.”

“Look, if you’re asking my permission to marry Lexa, the answer is, you’ve know her for three fucking days, cool your jets.”

Clarke was shocked, and she couldn’t believe it when the girl across from her started laughing.

“I know you didn’t expect me to come here today, but if you could cool your jets, this would be a lot easier.”

Anya wasn’t used to being challenged, she sucked her teeth and gestured for Clarke to continue.

“Something weird happened with Lexa this morning. She was sleeping and everything was normal, but then she started freaking out and left before I could figure out what was going on.”

Anya nodded her head, “So naturally you thought, I should stalk her sister, that’s what normal people do.”

“Could you just shut up for a minute?” Clarke shot, unable to tolerate Anya’s pissy attitude any longer, “Something bad happened to Lexa the other day, and it pretty much just rolled off her. I know I’ve only known her for a few days, but it’s not hard to tell that she’s been through some shit and that it’s never broken her,” Clarke paused to gauge Anya’s reaction. She could tell she had the older girls attention, so she continued, “but something happened this morning that really set her off, and I’m worried about her. She kept saying something about weakness, and then she left.”

Anya set her coffee down and looked out the window, taking a deep breath, “Titus.” She said, as though that was a complete answer.

“I’m sorry?” Clarke said, drawing Anya’s attention back to focus.

“Titus, he was this bastard Foster dick we had when we were kids. He had a thing for beating children and making the other watch. If Lexa or I broke and asked him to stop hurting the other, he’d turn his anger on them and yell over and over that love is weakness.”

Clarke was shocked, she didn’t know what to expect about Lexa’s past, but this certainly wasn’t it. “I had no idea.”

“Well, it isn’t really the kind of story you tell someone the moment you meet them. Although, apparently we’re breaking that little social grace.”

Clarke nodded grimly, slouching back into her chair.

“Look, Lexa is tough as shit. She doesn’t let anything or anyone get to her, but she can’t control things when she’s sleeping. She would never admit this, but having shared a room with her for years, I can tell you that she has nightmares every night. Sometimes they wake her up, sometimes they don’t, but they’re always there.”

Clarke nodded again, “Should I be worried?”

Anya scoffed, “No, she’s usually pretty quiet, so don’t worry about your beauty sleep.”

“I mean about Lexa, I’m not a complete ass.”

Anya smiled slightly, “I can see that. Lexa can take care of herself, she always has.”

Clarke stood up and extended her hand to Anya, “Well, thanks for talking to me, I should head back.”

After a moment, Anya took Clarke’s hand and shook it. Clarke started walking away when she heard Anya’s voice and turned, “Pardon?”

“I said, you seem like the kind of girl who likes to fix things. Don’t try with Lexa.”

Clarke’s brow furrowed, “What do you mean?”

Anya took a sip from her coffee before setting it down and giving Clarke a cold look, “Love is weakness Clarke, it’ll drive her away.”

 

_______________

 

_Left, right, left, back step, spin kick, jab, jab, reset._ Lexa squared back up, her chest heaving, knuckles aching, but she barely felt it. What she could not ignore was the screaming in her ribs, she doubled over, trying to relieve the pain. _Stop being weak_ she yelled at herself, standing up and steadying herself. She landed a solid punch, causing the heavy bag to swing backwards.

“Damn Woods, I’d hate to see the other guy. Oh wait, I have.” Raven had walked into the gym and saw Lexa going to town on the heavy bag. She thought of just walking away, but figured she owed the girl more than that.

Lexa really wasn’t in the mood for joking around, and her set jaw conveyed the message pretty clearly.

“Look, I know Jasper doesn’t make it easy, but I’ve known him for a while.”

Lexa really didn’t get why Raven was telling her this, “And,” she said, hoping Raven would clear the point up.

“I just don’t want you to hate the guy without knowing the real him. But I also understand that he was a complete ass and idiot. I guess I just want you to know that I’m not taking sides, you’re good in my books Lex.”

Lexa forced a smile. She was glad Raven didn’t hate her, she really admired and respected Raven for her resilience and humour, but now wasn’t the time for small talk. “Thanks Raven, I’m glad.”

Raven smiled back and nodded over to the wall of exercise bikes, “Well, I better get going on my rehab,” Raven started walking away when she turned back and added, “oh yeah, and would you please text Clarke and tell her you’re still alive? She’s kind of freaking out.”


	7. Chapter 7

Lexa hadn’t intended to scare Clarke, it was actually the very reason she had left. Lexa could picture it now; her waking up, heart racing and eyes blurry as she mumbled out her nightmare. Clarke would either have been scared away, or pitied her. Lexa wasn’t sure which one was worse, and so the best option was to run and avoid either outcome. As she let the cool water soothe her overworked muscles she though about what Raven has said, and couldn’t help but picture Clarke pacing around the dorm, waiting for Lexa to walk through the door. The idea left Lexa feeling horribly guilty, but she couldn’t shake a rather pleasant feeling spreading through her. She hadn’t anticipated Clarke caring for her enough to worry. Sure, Anya cared about her, but she wasn’t so much a worrier, so Lexa had never had someone in her life that she really needed to be mindful about. The feeling returned as she thought about Clarke in her life, and this time she shook her head, trying to clear her mind as she finished up and turned the water off. She pushed the feeling away and quickly got dressed and headed back to the dorm.

The stairs proved to be a bigger challenge than Lexa had originally anticipated, her legs were burning, as were her ribs. By the time she made it up to the room, she was panting and needed a moment to steady herself before gingerly, opening the door.

“Hey,” Lexa mumbled as she stepped through the door, dropping her gym bag on her chair.

Clarke had been sitting on her bed reading, but as soon as Lexa had walked in she had tossed the book down on the, instantly forgetting it. “Hey,” Clarke said, slowly standing up. She wanted to run to Lexa and wrap her up in her arms. She wanted to kiss her and tell her how worried she had been all day, but Anya’s words still echoed in her ears _Love is weakness Clarke, it’ll drive her away_. So she stood, gripping her hands in front of her, willing Lexa to say something.

Lexa just stood there, avoiding Clarke’s eyes, awkwardly rocking back and forth on the balls of her feet. She wanted to run to Clarke, to apologise for disappearing, to hold her and promise she would never do that again. But she couldn’t, because Titus’ words echoed in her mind, _love is weakness_.

And then everything changed. Clarke went to say something as Lexa looked up, and finally their eyes met. Lexa’s deep green, veiled by the horrors she had witnessed. Clarke’s pure blue, a glimmer of hope that would never fade, no matter what she had seen. In that moment, they both understood that words would fail them, so Lexa simply took a step forward, and held out her hand. Clarke’s mouth tweaked into the faintest smile as she took Lexa’s hand and was pulled into a deep hug.

Clarke inhaled deeply, trying to memorize the scent of Lexa’s shampoo, the gently curve of her back, and the feeling of her strong arms holding her so securely. Lexa had to fight back tears because Clarke’s arms genuinely felt like home, and she had no idea why she had run away.

“I’m sorry,” she managed to choke out into Clarke’s neck.

“It’s okay,” Clarke soothed, running her hand up and down Lexa’s tensed back, “I’ve got you.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I know this wasn't much, but I wanted to assure you guys that I was still writing! The next update will be longer, I promise!


	8. Chapter 8

“It’s not that you’re the dumbest person I know, it’s that you’re the stupidest person I know,” Raven said, dipping her fry in ketchup.

“That literally makes no sense,” Octavia said, staring open mouthed at her friend.

Lexa laughed, “It’s like this. You are super intelligent and know a lot of shit, but sometimes you forget to use your brain.” Raven nodded, “That’s exactly it,” she laughed, high-fiving Lexa, “home girl gets it! Clarke, she’s a keeper.”

Clarke blushed slightly and Lexa knocked into her side affectionately.

“Well, I hate to break up this merry band, but I promised Anya I’d come over for dinner tonight. Catch you guys later?” Lexa said, standing up from the picnic table.

Raven and Octavia nodded and said goodbye as Clarke stood up and gave Lexa a hug, “Will you be late tonight?”

“No, no,” Lexa shook her head, “I shouldn’t be more than a couple of hours.”

Clarke smiled, “So, I’ll see you in a bit?”

“That sounds good,” Lexa said, kissing Clarke on the cheek.

Clarke blushed deep red, but Lexa had already started walking away.

 

“Damn girl, you’ve got it bad!” Raven said once Lexa was out of earshot.

“Right? I mean, I know I’m the dumb one-“ Octavia started.

“Stupid one,” Raven corrected, still eating fries.

“Stupid one,” Octavia said, through slightly gritted teeth, “but even I can tell how bad you want her.”

Clarke sat down across from her friends, “It’s not like that.” She tried to hold out for a moment, but her friends searching eyes were really starting to eat away at her. “Fuck,” she said, dropping her head on the table, “it’s exactly like that.”

“What’s the big deal? Home girl obviously feels the same way,” Raven stated.

“Honestly Raven, you have got to stop it with the whole ‘home girl’ thing. You need a new word.” Octavia said while rubbing Clarke’s back gently, “but she is right, Lexa obviously feels the same way.

“I know, but it’s like, right now things are so good! And yeah, I want more than just a close friendship, but at least I have that. If I do something and it ends badly, then I’ll have nothing.” Clarke mumbled, still face down.

“But if you don’t try, you could end up regretting this opportunity,” Octavia said.

“And if I have to watch you two fumble on like this for another three weeks, I am going to kill myself.”

Clarke sat up and scoffed, “It has not been three weeks.”

“You’re right,” Raven said, “more like four, since it’s been about a month since she moved in. But three weeks of actual pining.”

“Almost five now, if you think about it,” Octavia added, “Since today’s Friday.”

Raven nodded, “The smart dummy has a point.”

“Thank you,” Octavia said, beaming. “But in all seriousness Clarke, you are a catch, and there is no way Lexa does not see that. She’s gonna go out and hang with Anya, and then she is going to be all yours for the rest of the weekend. Don’t waste your time.”

Clarke nodded, “You’re right, I should say something.”

“But remember Griffin, actions speak louder than words,” Raven winked, chewing the inside of her lip.

Clarke pushed Raven lovingly and the three moved onto another topic. But Clarke couldn’t stop thinking about what her friends had said. _Does Lexa really like me? We have been spending a lot more time together, but we’re roommates. But we do sleep in each other’s beds a lot. But we haven’t even kissed…_ these thoughts swirled around Clarke’s mind for a lot longer than she would like to admit, but in the end, one thought remained. _I really don’t want to lose this girl._

 

* * *

 

“So wait, you’re saying this guy had 100 pounds on you, and you still kicked his ass?” Lexa asked, ripping lettuce into a bowl. “Why do I ever question you, of course you did.”

Anya laughed, “I mean he was wasted, so that helped a little, but yeah, I shut him down.”

“Man, that is so impressive,” Lexa added, setting the salad on the table, “Is the lasagna done?”

“I’d give it another few minutes,” Anya said, sipping her wine, “so, are we going to avoid this all night?”

Lexa gave her a confused look, “what do you mean?”

Anya laughed, “okay, that’s fine, I just wanted to make sure you were alright. But we really don’t have to talk about it.”

“Anya, I’m being serious, I have no clue what you are talking about.”

“Really?” Anya asked, “So your girlfriend stalked, accosted and interrogated me, and you have no clue?”

Lexa shook her head, “what are you talking about? What girlfriend?”

“Shit, you really don’t know what I’m talking about, do you?” Anya asked, leaning against the counter.

“Oh, what gave that away?” Lexa shot back, drinking heavily from her beer.

“Well, a couple of weeks ago, this blonde came into the coffee shop across the street. She was all freaked out about you, and was worried or something because you had left?”

Lexa walked across the kitchen and slumped onto a stool, “Clarke?”

Anya snapped her fingers, “That’s the one! Lots of hair, kinda permanently pissed off?”

“Clarke found you because she was worried about me?” Lexa asked, ignoring Anya.

“Well, yeah. She said you just ran off after mumbling something about Titus.”

Lexa froze, “You told her about Titus?”

“I’m not an idiot. I just told her enough to calm her down and make her understand why you are incapable of love.”

“That’s not funny” Lexa said, emptying her bottle., “you probably scared her off.”

“Has she left?” Anya asked, pulling the lasagna out of the oven.

“Well, no actually, she hasn’t.” Lexa said, thinking about how present Clarke had been recently.

“Has she been pitying you?” Anya asked, setting the dish down on the table before serving herself and Lexa.

“No, I think she’s be acting completely normal.”

Anya raised her eyebrows, “Well then, I think I did you a favour.”

Lexa snorted, lettuce hanging off her fork, “And how may I ask, did you do that?”

“I got a completely painful conversation out of the way, kept your girl from going crazy, and helped you figure out that she’s a rather good person.”

“She’s not my girl,” Lexa said, looking down.

“Then you’re the crazy one, sis.”

 

* * *

 

Lexa and Anya had finished dinner talking about rather mundane things. After the walk home, Lexa had made up her mind to talk to Clarke and tell her how she felt. But then she got back to the dorm, and there she was; a vision in a grey sweater and black shorts, with her long blonde hair messily pulled to one side. She was smiling, and had picked out a movie for them to watch, complete with microwave popcorn and gushers. Everything felt so perfect that Lexa didn’t want to ruin it by bringing up her feelings. So instead, she had changed into her plaid pyjama pants, a ‘University of Polis’ hoodie, and crawled into Clarke’s bed. They were about fifteen minutes into the fifth _Harry Potter_ when Clarke broke the comfortable silence.

“I totally forgot to ask how Anya was?”

Lexa cleared her throat before answering, “Umm, she was good, it was really nice.”

Clarke smiled, “That’s nice.” She turned back to her laptop while Lexa silently cursed herself. _That was the moment! She all but set me up to tell her about what happened and I totally choked. Fuck._

Lexa took a deep breath before charging on, “She umm, she actually mentioned that she met you.”

This time it was Clarke’s turn to clear her throat, “Yeah, I umm, I-“

“A little bit stalked her?” Lexa suggested.

“Shit.” Clarke said, pausing the movie and turning to Lexa, “Okay, I know I over stepped, but Lexa, I was really worried about you, and I didn’t know what else to do-“ Clarke was about to start rambling on about boundaries and respect and understanding when Lexa rolled her eyes and pulled her into a kiss. It was soft and fleeting, but exactly what Clarke needed.

“Wow,” she breathed when the two of them parted, “I did not expect that.”

Lexa laughed softly, their foreheads still resting together, “It’s just that no one has ever cared that much about me. Well, Anya, but that’s different.”

“I would hope so,” Clarke laughed softly, “and I do Lexa, I really do. You had me so scared that day; I thought I had lost you. You had just started opening up, and then you disappeared.”

“Yeah,” Lexa said, grimacing, “I have a tendency to do that.”

Clarke cradled Lexa’s face in her hands, “And that’s okay, but you don’t have to do that. If you don’t want to, I mean.”

Lexa smiled and hugged Clarke.

“So, about that kiss?” Lexa said, smiling.

Clarke laughed and leaned in slightly. Lexa met her in the middle, their lips touching once again. It was soft at first, but when Lexa went to pull away, Clarke nipped at her lower lip, pulling her back. Lexa smirked before brushing her tongue against Clarke’s bottom lip. Clarke gasped slightly, opening her mouth as Lexa deepened their kiss. Things turned from gently to heated so quickly. Their hands searched each other’s bodies, pulling the other closer, needing to be closer. But just as fast as it had started, Lexa stopped.

“What, is everything okay?” Clarke asked, suddenly worried she really had crossed a line.

“No, it’s not that at all, you are beautiful,” Lexa started as Clarke relaxed slightly, blushing, “I just don’t want it to be like this.” Clarke looked confused again, so Lexa continued, “Can I take you out? Tomorrow night? We could have dinner, and talk.”

Clarke smiled, taking Lexa’s hand in hers, “That would be really nice.”

Lexa smiled too, completely relieved, “Sounds like a date.”


	9. Chapter 9

“Damn that girl is smooth!” Raven cooed. She was currently sprawled out on her bed while Clarke recounted the story from her place at Raven’s vanity. “Where are you two going?”

“I don’t know,” Clarke said, applying a final coat of mascara, “she just said to be ready for 5:30, and to dress nicely.”

“You always dress nicely,” Octavia said, walking into her room, “what are we talking about?” she asked, sitting on her bed across from Raven.

“Lexa asked Clarke on a date,” Raven said, shooting Octavia an excited look.

“No fucking way!” O yelled, “No fucking way.”

“You mentioned that,” Raven laughed.

“Clarke, this is huge! You’ve wanted to jump her bones for like, a month now.”

“Not entirely accurate,” Clarke said, spinning around to look at her friends.

“But not entirely false,” Raven chimed in.

“Exactly,” O shot, “and Raven hates to agree with me.”

“Again, the unfortunate hag has it right.”

“Has anyone ever mentioned that you two banter like an old married couple?” Clarke asked, moving towards their full-length mirror.

“The sex is about as good too,” Raven added.

“That is not a fair assessment,” Octavia said, sounding thoroughly offended, “I was drunk and you had just been in your accident, so you weren’t too spry yourself.”

Clarke shot a look back to her friends, “You two are the strangest people I know.

“Thank you.” They said in tandem.

“So where is Lexa taking you?” Octavia asked, flipping through her phone.

“That’s the thing, it’s all a mystery,” Raven said, teasing Clarke.

“I mean it’s not a complete mystery, I’m pretty sure we’re going out for dinner. She just asked me last night, I highly doubt she was able to pull out all the stops in like, 12 hours.” Clarke said, smoothing her palms over dress. After trying on all of her dresses, and half of Raven’s, Clarke had finally settled on a tight, red cocktail dress. The fabric hugged her curves in all the right places, and made her feel confident as hell.

Octavia got up from her bed and walked over to Clarke, placing her hands on Clarke’s shoulders, “In all seriousness, you look stunning Clarke. Lexa’s not gonna know what hit her.”

* * *

 

“Tie or no tie?” Lexa asked Anya, holding the blue fabric up to her collar, and then pulling it away.

“You do you,” Anya trailed off, paying full attention to the magazine she was flipping through on Lexa’s bed.

Lexa looked around and found a full Kleenex box on her desk. She picked it up and hocked it at Anya’s head, a direct hit.

“What the fuck?!” Anya shouted, looking up.

“Oh hey,” Lexa said innocently, “while I have your attention, tie or no tie?”

Anya rolled her eyes before sitting up with a sigh. She took a long look at Lexa, standing there in her fitted black dress pants and pristine white button up, “No tie, but undo a few of the top buttons.” Lexa nodded and gave it a try.

“Much better,” Anya said, smiling. “You look good kid, Clarke is one lucky girl.”

“Thank you. Do you think she’ll think I’m coming across too strong?” Lexa asked, still eyeing herself in the mirror.

“Well, it’s a little late to turn back now,” Anya said, “we’ve spent literally the last four hours getting things ready.”

“I guess you’re right,” Lexa said, looking down a little.

“Hey,” Anya said, getting off the bed and walking over to Lexa, “you know I would do anything for you. And she is going to love this.”

“Do you really think so?” Lexa asked, looking up at Anya. In this moment, Lexa looked about six years old again, and Anya just wanted to pick her up and hold her until she felt better. But she pushed back the urge; Lexa was a big girl and could take care of herself. Anya knew all that, but at the end of the day, she was still Lexa’s big sister.

“You look at me,” she said, placing two fingers under Lexa’s chin, “you have so much to offer, and if Clarke can’t see that, then she’s crazy. Now, I’m not the most approachable person, and yet that girl trekked across the city to find me to make sure that you were okay. I think she cares about you a shit ton.”

Lexa met Anya’s eyes and instantly felt calm, “Alright, let’s do this.”

* * *

 At five thirty, Lexa took a deep steadying breathe before knocking on Raven and Octavia’s door. Clarke had agreed to get ready there so the two could go on a more traditional feeling date.

Raven opened the door and instantly broke out into a smile, “Looking good Woods.”

“Thanks,” Lexa smiled, feeling a little more at ease, “is Clarke ready?”

“She sure is,” Clarke said, walking up to the door moments later. Lexa’s heart almost stopped. Clarke was stunning, a vision in red with her hair pulled beautifully to the side.

Lexa had to swallow hard before trusting her voice, “You look perfect” she managed to get out.

Clarke blushed slightly, “Thank you, you are stunning.”

Lexa smiled, unable to take her eyes off Clarke.

“Alright you two, the sex is supposed to happen after the date,” Raven said, breaking the silence they had fallen into as the girls ogled each other.

“Raven!” Lexa heard Octavia call from inside the room. The four girls laughed, and what could have been an awkward moment really helped break some of the tension. Lexa held her hand out, and Clarke took it, graciously.

“Have fun you two!” Octavia yelled as they walked away.

“Make good choices,” Raven called after them.

“You really know how to pick them,” Lexa laughed as the pair walked towards the lobby door.

Clarke smiled, “I really do,” she said, taking Lexa’s hand in hers.

“You’ve never actually told me how the three of you met,” Lexa said, trying to keep her mind from racing. _Clarke is holding my hand, looking fine as hell, and we’re heading on a date._ Obviously her attempts were failing.

“It’s a rather interesting tale: Raven and I were dating the same guy for a time in high school.”

Lexa stopped walking and looked at Clarke, “I didn’t know you were poly.”

“I’m not.” Clarke said.

“Oh, shit,” Lexa laughed and continued directing Clarke towards their destination.

“Yeah, so that ended badly, but I got Raven out of it, so it was all worth it.”

“And Octavia?”

“I met O my first year, she was my roommate, and we hit it off immediately. She and Raven got along a little too well.”

“I feel like there is a great story here,” Lexa commented.

“There is, but for another time.”

“I respect that,” Lexa said, smiling. The two had come to a stop beside a sleek black car, and Lexa opened the passenger door for Clarke.

“Whoa, this is your ride?” Clarke asked, surprise.

“It is for tonight, if you would, Ms. Griffin,”

Clarke smiled to herself as she settled into the passenger seat, quickly flipping down the visor to check her makeup in the mirror. Lexa took a moment to calm herself as she walked around the car, clearing her mind of all doubts. As the two pulled away from the University, Clarke took Lexa’s hand it in hers, and started in on a comfortable conversation about classes and daily life. Living with each other meant that Clarke and Lexa talked everyday, but there were certain things they had yet to touch on. Clarke was hoping they would touch on some of these things tonight, while Lexa was hoping to make it through dinner without making an ass of herself.

When they pulled up next to a beautiful house, Clarke was confused. “What are we doing here?”

“Just trust me,” Lexa said, smiling as she got out of the car. She walked around and opened Clarke’s door, and lead her up the stone walk way. She fished around in her pocket until she found the key and let the two in.

“Lex, what’s going on? Is this your parent’s place?”

Lexa shook her head before turning around to face Clarke, “It’s mine.”

“What?” Clarke asked, waiting for the punch line.

“It’s mine,” Lexa repeated, shrugging.

“Care to elaborate?” Clarke asked, still feeling a little like she was breaking and entering.

“We can talk over dinner, come on,” Lexa said, leading Clarke through the entry way and towards the kitchen. Anya hadn’t been kidding when she said they had been setting up for four hours: candles had been lit, groceries bought and the whole place spruced up.

“You’re cooking for me?”

“I am, please, make yourself at home,” Lexa said, taking off her suit jacket and rolling up her sleeves.

“Damn, I like seeing you in the kitchen” Clarke said from her stool at the island.

Lexa laughed, “How do you feel about Chicken Alfredo?”

“Sounds delicious.”

As Lexa started cooking, Clarke couldn’t sit still. She had walked around the adjoining living room for a few minutes, but had come back to the kitchen. Lexa had her back to Clarke as she was cooking the chicken and making the sauce. Clarke walked up behind her and rapped her arms around Lexa’s middle, leaning her head on her shoulder. She kissed Lexa’s neck, and she struggled to keep her attention on the food,

“If you keep this up, I’m going to scorch the sauce.”

“Mmm, I might have to take my chance,” Clarke purred in her ear.

Lexa spun around and caught Clarke up in a deep, passionate kiss. Her hands wound their way into Clarke’s wavy hair, as Clarke pulled Lexa closer still. Lexa pulled away and turned back to the stove,

“There, that should hold you over until dinner is done.”

Clarke pouted and ground her hips into Lexa’s backside, “Fine.”

Lexa laughed, “Come one, you might as well make yourself useful,” she said, pointing over to the lettuce on the island.

Clarke pushed against Lexa one last time before walking over to the cutting board and starting the salad.

It wasn’t long before everything was ready for dinner and the pair was sitting across from each other at Lexa’s dinning room table. Clarke poured the wine as Lexa finished putting the food on the table and sat down.

“Bon appetite” she said, smiling across to the beautiful blonde.

“It looks incredible,” Clarke said.

“I hope it tastes as good,” Lexa said, looking slightly nervous. Clarke took her first bite and nodded vigorously. Lexa felt her nerves melting away as she settled in and started to enjoy the dinner herself. After exchanging a few pleasantries over the food, wine, and incredibly made salad (as Clarke pointed out), Clarke couldn’t wait any longer.

“Okay Lex, are you going to tell me how this is your place?”

Lexa set her knife and fork down, wiped her lips with her napkin and smoothed it back down into her lap. She looked up at Clarke and wondered where to start.

“Well, when I was a baby, my parents were killed. All of their family was either dead or back in Australia-“

“You’re Australian?” Clarke interrupted. Lexa shot her a gentle glare, and Clarke gave her an apologetic look, urging her to continue.

“So I ended up bouncing around the foster system until I was eighteen. That’s when I found out that my parents had left me a rather healthy inheritance. I never knew that I would have any money, so I had busted my ass from the time I was fourteen, working shit jobs so I wouldn’t end up on the street. I was able to pay tuition with the money I’d earned, and now that I’m almost done my degree, I figured I was finally ready.”

“To buy a house?” Clarke asked, still a little confused.

“Clarke, I don’t think you get it. I’ve never had a home. I’ve never had my own room, a fridge full of food, or a place to go back to at the end of the day and feel safe. That’s all I’ve ever wanted. So yeah, I bought a house, and that might seem dumb to you, but it’s perfect for me.”

Clarke nodded and then smiled, “I do get it Lexa. I mean, I haven’t had the same experiences as you, but I get the feeling. Nothing feels better than coming back home.”

Lexa smiled, and finally felt at ease.

“So wait, are you moving out of res?”

Lexa shook her head, “No, I’m going to stay until I graduate this winter, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but there’s really nothing here.”

Clarke laughed, “I mean, I didn’t want to judge.”

Lexa took Clarke’s hand in hers, “I’ve got time to get all the things that fill a house, that’s not what’s really important.”

Clarke nodded, “Netflix, that’s what’s really important.”

Lexa pushed Clarke lovingly, “No you bone head, someone to share it with, that’s what I really want.” Clarke blushed, and Lexa started rushing, “I don’t mean that that someone is you, I’m not asking you to move in or anything, I just-“

Clarke rolled her eyes and kissed Lexa fully, silencing her fears. When she pulled away, she rested her hand on Lexa’s cheek, “I get it Lex, you don’t need to worry about scaring me away, okay?”

Lexa nodded; a smug look came over her face, “So, where did you learn that move?”

Clarke laughed, “Oh you know, some girl.”

Lexa pushed up against Clarke roughly, “Just some girl?”

“Yeah, I hardly remember her, it was so long ago,” Clarke said, refusing to give in.

Lexa left her chair and straddled Clarke, “I bet she’s been on your mind every second. You haven’t been able to think of anything else since last night, have you?” She asked, slowly grinding her hips against Clarke.

She let out a little whimper, trying her best to fight back, but losing terribly.

“Tell me what you want,” Lexa cooed, pushing against Clarke harder still.

“Fuck,” she moaned, “I want you Lexa, it’s always been you.”

Lexa stood up and started walking away, Clarke looked after her, confused. “Just because I don’t have couches doesn’t mean I don’t have a bed.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of smut is good for the soul

The dinner lay long forgotten on the dinner table downstairs. The candles were starting to flicker out, but neither of the girls took notice. They were upstairs, walking into Lexa’s luxurious master suite.

“Wow,” Clarke said when they stepped in the room, “your parent’s really did leave you a lot of money.”

Lexa laughed and nodded, letting her guard down for just a moment. Clarke saw her opportunity and pinned Lexa against the wall. Lexa gasped as Clarke started kissing her, but quickly recovered. They kissed each other deeply, exploring one another as their tongues battled for dominance. Clarke moaned into their kiss, and Lexa couldn’t take it any more. She pushed against Clarke, moving them from the wall to the bed; she lowered Clarke gently before mounting her.

“Fuck Clarke, you are so beautiful,” she gasped, lowering her mouth to Clarke’s neck. She sucked on her pulse point, causing Clarke to moan under her.

“There’s too much fabric,” Clarke wined, her hands working quickly to undo Lexa’s buttons. They pulled off her shirt, and Lexa stood to rid herself of her pants. She noticed she was shaking slightly, as it took her more than one attempt to undo her button and zipper. She had been so focused on calming her hands that she had not noticed Clarke slip out of her dress. When she looked back up, she could have sworn she forgot how to breathe. Clarke was a vision, standing there in her black lace bra and thong, her hair falling perfectly over her shoulders, her blue eyes dark with arousal

Lexa’s heart pounded as Clarke took a step towards her, brushing a hand against her face, “You are absolutely stunning,” Clarke said. Lexa was confused for a moment, she had been thinking the same thing, and was sure she had said it. But it was Clarke who had verbalized her thoughts. Lexa was in a white lace bra and white boxers, hugging her curves perfectly. Clarke had to remind herself to breathe. Lexa extended a hand to Clarke, and they walked together to the side of the bed, where they sat hand in hand for a moment.

“This moment is perfect,” Lexa said, causing Clarke to blush. Lexa slowly leaned in, capturing Clarke in a breath-taking kiss. Things had felt so rushed before, so animalistic, which had been hot, but now things felt sensual. Lexa lead Clarke in their kiss, no longer fighting for dominance. Lexa relaxed as Clarke kissed her back, feeling her tongue brush against her lower lip. Lexa’s mouth opened in response, and Clarke smoothed her tongue across Lexa’s teeth. Lexa bit Clarke’s lower lip and pulled, causing Clarke to moan gently. Lexa swung her legs around, so she was lying on the bed, and pulled Clarke onto her lap.

Clarke laughed softly, “You really are so smooth.” She nipped at Lexa’s neck, sucking on her ear and moaning softly, as her hips started to dance slowly against Lexa’s. Lexa’s hands moved up to tangle themselves into Clarke’s hair, the brunette feeling herself getting wetter with every movement. Clarke let her hands wander down to Lexa’s stomach, her fingers tracing closer and closer to where Lexa needed them. Clarke gasped when Lexa suddenly flipped the pair, pushing hard against Clarke’s center. Lexa moaned as she felt how ready Clarke was becoming. Her hands found their way to Clarke’s perky breasts; she pulled down the cups of her bra as she started massaging the perfect mounds. She let one of her hands travel down Clarke’s abdomen as her mouth took its place, her tongue flicking across one of her hard nipples. Clarke let out a hiss of air, as she rocked her hips upwards, trying to connect with anything that would grant friction. Lexa laughed into Clarke’s breast, causing waves of pleasure to course though her. Lexa switched her mouth to the other breast, and let her hand start to tease at Clarke’s waistband. Clarke rutted her hips impatiently, causing Lexa to nip gently at her sensitive nipple.

“Fuck, Lexa” she moaned.

“Shh, patience,” Lexa chided, slipping a finger under the thin material. Clarke let out a satisfied moan as Lexa dragged a finger through her lips, teasing her entrance slightly.

She dipped a finger into her wetness and moaned, “Baby, who got you so wet?”

“You did Lexa, you’re so fucking hot,” Clarke gasped, bucking her hips.

Lexa kissed her way down Clarke’s body, pulling her slick thong off and settling between her thighs. She blew cold air across Clarke’s sensitive clit, making her writhe even more. Lexa kissed Clarke’s inner thighs before letting her tongue slide towards her centre. She paused just short of it, earning herself a disapproving moan from above. She smiled as she let her tongue trail up to Clarke’s sensitive bundle of nerves, ghosting across the area before gently sucking on it. She flicked her tongue across the surface before letting a finger slip into Clarke’s soaking entrance. Clarke gasped at the sudden contact, clenching down on Lexa’s long finger. She slowly drew the digit out of Clarke, before sliding it back in, settling on a slow rhythm, before introducing another finger. Clarke was writing beneath her, between the two fingers and Lexa’s attentive tongue on her clit, she knew she wasn’t going to last long. She pulled Lexa’s mouth up to hers, tasting herself on her tongue. Clarke moaned into the kiss, and the new angle allowed Lexa to go deeper into her. She curled her two fingers inside Clarke, and from the reaction she received, she figured she had hit the right spot. She started picking up the pace, rocking her hips along with her fingers.

“God Lexa, don’t stop!” Clarke moaned, bringing her hand down to stroke her clit, matching Lexa’s rhythm. Lexa glanced down, watching Clarke slip her finger along her silky folds and onto her clit. It was a good thing she was so focused on Clarke’s release, or she might have cum right then. Lexa started fucking her faster, drawing her fingers almost all the way out before thrusting them back in to the hilt.

“Lexa baby, you’re gonna make me cum,” Clarke shouted.

“Oh yes Clarke, cum for me hun,” Lexa moaned, pounding Clarkes soaking pussy. She curled her fingers once more, dragging them across Clarke’s g-spot and thrust as hard as she could. Clarke was getting so tight that it was hard for her to keep moving, but then Clarke shouted, “Fuck, I’m cuming!” and Lexa dare not stop. Clarke clenched even tighter around Lexa’s fingers, as Lexa continued pumping in and out as Clarke rode out her orgasm. Lexa drew out her fingers as Clarke came down from her high, gasping from exertion. Lexa collapsed onto the bed next to Clarke, who curled up into her arms.

“That was amazing,” Clarke gasped, her heart still pounding.

“It really was,” Lexa said, a little out of breath.

Clarke looked up into Lexa’s bright green eyes, “Was it okay for you?”

Lexa smiled down at Clarke, and stroked her cheek with her thumb, “Baby, that was incredible.”

Clarke smiled and nuzzled a little closer to Lexa. “Can we stay here tonight?”

“We can do anything you want.”


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I know it has been forever since I last updated this, and I am so sorry!!

When Clarke awoke, it took her a moment to make sense of her surroundings. She quickly smiled as the events of the night before came flooding back. She giggled slightly, and felt Lexa stir next to her. 

_ Lexa! _ Clarke thought to herself. She rolled over and took in the beautiful woman lying next to her. The blankets pooled around her low back, leaving her strong shoulders, upper back, and one leg exposed. Her dark hair fell seamlessly across the pillow, and for the first time, Clarke noticed the intricate tattoo that danced across her back. She couldn’t help herself, as her fingers gently traced the circles and lines.

Lexa stirred at Clarke’s touch, and a smile found its way onto her face. She turned her head, not wanting Clarke to stay her hand. 

“Good morning,” Lexa said gently, her voice thick with sleep. 

“Good morning,” Clarke replied, her hand still tracing the beautiful design, “Lexa, I didn’t know you were such a badass.” 

Lexa feigned offense, “Less than twenty-four hours after we met, you were patching up my bloody body.”

“Touche,” Clarke said, “I know it’s been a while now, but I’m impressed your ribs didn’t slow you down last night.” A blush quickly spread across her face. 

Lexa had never seen a more beautiful sight, “I bullet to the chest wouldn’t have been able to slow me down last night.” She turned onto her back and pulled Clarke in close to her, “How was last night for you?”

Clarke smiled, she loved how strong and self assure Lexa was, but how gentle she was with her. “Last night was incredible, I’m not sure if you noticed, but I was a big fan of everything that happened.”

Lexa let out a relieved laugh, “It’s true, you were pretty quiet about your feelings.” 

Clarke jokingly pushed Lexa away, causing the brunette to hold her even tighter. 

“We should probably get back to campus,” Lexa said, kissing the top of Clarke’s head. 

Clarke tightened her grip around Lexa’s middle, “Just a few more minutes.”

Lexa laughed softly, “Okay, a few more minutes.” She knew how Clarke felt, she too didn’t want this moment to end. 

As they lay in bed, Lexa felt like she was finally home. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't think this will be the end of the fic, but I'm not sure. If it is, at least there is some closure, and if it's not, at least Lexa and Clarke got to share a moment of happiness!


End file.
